I knew this day would come

Back in December Luna was given a diagnosis and a prognosis and a short term expiration date.  We started preparing ourselves for the inevitable and tried to get on with life while making the most of the time we had together.  Well the end came yesterday.  After another quick two-day slide downhill we made the decision to end her suffering and put Luna down.  It was gut-wrenchingly painful and a great relief all at the same time.  I still haven't worked through the complex emotions that come from loosing what was essentially a family member.  As I've think about it I realize this is the first close death I've had to deal with in over 15 years.

Anyway I do have a lot for which to be thankful.  Luna was with us for over 4 months after a best case scenario estimate of 6 weeks, and she was wonderfully healthy right up to the last three days.  We went on lots of good runs.  She started coming to work with me.  I said yes more than no.  She even got to romp in the lake briefly.  (It was damn cold and she never got fully in but just running around on the beach and getting her paws wet had a huge effect on her happiness quotient.) Most importantly, we all appreciated her presence in our daily lives.  Nothing like a little death on the horizon to bring out the love, doncha know. 

Anyway, we said our tearful goodbyes in our living room, while the veterinarian administered the shot and she slipped away.  With her mission of love accomplished she slipped away from the pain and into an eternity of well earned peace. Then I dug her grave, each shovelful of earth was a tiny prayer, and set her in her final resting place.  And just like that this whole drawn out affair was over.  No more wondering when it will all happen, because it was done.  I have to say mixed with the sorrow for me there is some feeling of relief too.  Once I rid myself of the embedded tics of her presence (like thinking I hear her claws on the wood floor, the morning/evening walk routine, and wondering if I closed the front gate after I have left the yard) things will start to feel more normal.  Right now it's still raw.