Ode to a dog (god)

Well this is shitty.  I've been thinking that shitty stuff clusters itself like cancer cells.  First you have news like this and that. Now I've got my own sob story to tell.  If you aren't partial to sob stories then just ignore the rest of this post because I've got to vent and I'm sure the waterworks are going to get turned on.  But I'll try to be stoic.  You'll see no emoticons I'll just take a moment to sob away from my keyboard.  With a disclaimer like that you know it ain't gonna end well, but let's carry on anyway shall we.

First let's introduce the players.

This is a good dog.  Just starting to grow out of her puppy energy.  She's three and will be four in May.  She has a incredible knack for finding her way onto furniture and a strong desire to get cozy right at your feet. She is a member of the family and If you've met her you've likely been greeted with an enthusiastic volley of licks, tail wags and probably some jumping.  After she calms down you will have experienced about a half an hour of her trying to make constant physical contact with you by sneakily placing her head under your hand (hey how'd that get there?).  After she's calmed the fuck down she's the best dog ever. Period.

Don't argue just let me continue.  Also, she's fast.  I mean she's a mutt, a lab mix, but I think she's a lab mixed with a rocket.  Throw a ball 50 yards and she'll get to it on the second bounce with out even trying. I'm partial to jogging with her and I'm sure she increased my time by about 1 minute per mile.

With that said Monday I woke up with out any indication that anything was amiss.  Luna (that's her name by the way no use hiding her identity any longer) was waiting for me at the door. However soon after we left the house for our morning jog and constitutional (her not me) I noticed something was wrong when I felt a tug on the leash an looked to see Luna lagging behind in an uncharacteristic fashion.  I encouraged her and she rallied for about 3 blocks and then it was lagwaggon time again.  By this time we were at the park and I thought I had the cure.  It took her off leash and let the pure joy of freedom whip her into an uncontrolled frenzy of attacking pine cones and chasing sticks. Instead... nothing, "no thanks, I'll just sit right here thanks", was the reaction I got.  Now I was starting to get worried.  So we hightailed it home, well more like moseyed, where Luna promptly went to lay down and proceeded to ignore her food and practically everything else in the house.  I thought wow looks like the doggie flu has got her down, I'll have to keep an eye on this.  When I got home from work, she was a bit perkier but not herself.  The next morning Luna was up with me and seated at the door saying, "yes please let's go out." Alright I thought this is more like it. After one trip around the block we were back at the house and Luna was back on her bed when I went to feed her... nothing. So I call her...she lifted her head but nothing else.  Well, I thought, "Shit just got real."   Tiff said she'd call the Vet to make an appointment and while i was slightly worried there were no big warning bells going off in my head.  I mean she is a young healthy pooch who only two days before  was running around the back yard.  However there was a little voice in the back of my head that I was trying desperately to ignore that was saying, "Pssst, you know this ain't good."

Tiff called me at work to say they were at the vet and the vet was worried. Luna had a very high temp and had become extremely disoriented.  They were taking blood and running some tests, but he recommended that we take her to the Emergency Vet.  "OK, this is a bigger deal than I thought" I says to myself.  "Not really, you knew it might go this way." the little voice said.  I rushed to the Emergency Vet who was using words like Stage 5 Lymphoma and severe bacterial infection when I got there.  I knew at this point the outlook was not good.  (By the way, if you would like to hear a different rant about trying to apply for credit to pay for your dieing dog by phone in the vet's office just ask. I'd be happy to go down that road another time.)  By the end of the day all signs pointed to the Lymphoma in her marrow, and while we await the final results, we just want to take our family member home.  We also haven't received any concrete options outside of the vet pushing for chemo which is seems has a best case scenario of 9 months and a worst of 2 months, and a huge price tag.  I'll be looking for a second opinion.

Now I'm looking forward and can see that I very likely don't have much time left with her.  This is naturally when I start looking back at all the things I'd done differently.  All the times I thought, "No you don't need to a big walk tonight we'll just go out to the back yard." Or, "sorry Luna, It's too much of a hassle to bring you on this trip we'll just get you a nice weekend at the kennel or at a friend's house."  Or the time I got really mad and may have gone a bit off the deep end at you over this little mess.

All these things struck me as we were holding her as the technicians came and went and they prepped her, and T__ leaned in and said, "Luna, from now on you can get on the furniture when ever you want."  And that's what I'm talking about. I have an increased focus to make the most of the time we have left together, no matter how short a time it may be.  I also reflect on how much she has brought to us. She has a never ending well of love that is unconditional and a reserve of patience that allows her to endure reoccurring dress up sessions by loving kids.  She knows just when to give a contented sigh and when to come put her head on your lap.  I hope in the coming days/weeks I can give back a fraction of the comfort that she has given me.  As I said at the beginning of the post she is three years old, now I'm hoping she'll live until May so she can see the ripe old age of four.